Up in Smoke : Day 142

Today marks my 142nd day without smoking. Hard to believe I made it this far. Thank you to all who have wished me well. I couldn’t have done it without the support of others,  especially my wife and family. She and others had hoped and prayed for years that I would decide to quit smoking.

I’m glad I decided to take the leap and make the commitment. It really does come down to a commitment. It wasn’t the drug Chantix that was the miracle cure. I had made up my mind before using the pill. It was a tool that helped accomplish the task. Don’t get wrong though, it did help tremendously. It got me through the initial stages of quitting. This is usually the hardest period of quitting and where I usually faltered in the past. The first few weeks were the hardest for me in the past.

I do get urges for a cigarette from now and then. They occur less frequently as time goes by. I notice now that they generally occur at times when in the past I would have smoked. It’s not that I actually need a cigarette but, was something I did in similar situations in the past. When the urges do occur I do think to myself do I want to throw away all I’ve accomplished for a drag on a cigarette? What does it really accomplish other than satisfying a craving? Cravings were gone a long time ago anyway. The urges generally last only a short moment and then forgotten.

What have been the rewards of this? Taste buds and sense of smell are gradually returning. Ironically I find that cigarette smoke does indeed smell bad. Saving money has been big. I’ve saved close to a thousand dollars so far. I got the iPhone I’ve been wanting for quite some time along with a 71 VW Super Beetle I’m working on. Neither of these would be possible while I was smoking.

To wrap this up I want to address smokers and non-smokers who wish others close to them to quit. First to non-smokers, be patient and supportive. It’s OK to let smokers aware of your opinion of smoking but, the worst thing to do is to nag. This will just put them on the defensive and not want to quit already. Yes they know it’s bad for them. Secondly they have to decide for themselves to quit. You can’t do that for them. It just builds resentment anyway.

To the smokers: It can be done. I smoked for over twenty-five years and I did it. I understand what your going through and you have my support. This is a decision that has to come from within yourself. No one else can make up your mind for you. Though my method worked for me it may not for you. I urge you be patient and persistent. If one method doesn’t work, regroup and try a different way. The biggest factor is to make up your own mind to do it then follow through with it. I wish you the best in your journey.

Procrastination is….

one of the reasons I haven’t posted anything here in awhile.

 

Procrastination from Johnny Kelly on Vimeo.

Up in Smoke : Day 29

This is my fourth week using Chantix to aid me quitting smoking. It also marks day 22 of quitting. Technically I should be done with my first installment of Chantix but along the way I forgot a few pills so I still have a few left. I’ve still got to call my doctor to get the second installment. I’m partly debating whether to continue with the Chantix.  I’m open to any comments about this. No I’m not starting smoking again but just thinking whether to continue with the pills. Yes It’s gotten be this far but the nicotine addiction passes in the first few days. The rest of the addiction is in mind. For those that don’t smoke may not realize how deeply ingrained this habit becomes after many years of smoking. It in a sense becomes part of who you are. It also becomes a friend of yours. So when you quit it can be like breaking of a long term relationship.

For the most part I’m feeling well. I don’t weigh myself regularly so I couldn’t tell you if I’ve gained any weight. I think I gained a few but then I’ve always had a few extra pounds on me so I’m not exactly losing sleep over it. The pills do give me a touch of nausea if I don’t have some food in my stomach. No weird dreams or suicidal thoughts as the warning label reads.  My lovely wife has noticed though that I’ve not been irritable so much but, I’ve been more apt to communicate  about stuff that may be bugging me.  This may be due to not having cigarettes to hide my true feelings or put them off.

Other than an urge occasionally I’m doing very well.  Thanks to all who have supported me with your messages of encouragement. They do have an impact. Have a great day!

Up in smoke : Day 17

Now that the dust has settled after the Christmas rush time to get back in the swing of things. It has been now 10 days since I’ve quit smoking. I’m not sure if it’s the Chantix but I feel as I’ve got the knack of this. Besides the first day I’ve had the feeling that it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Occasionally  a thought passes my mind to have a cigarette but it soon passes. I’ve got enough butterscotch and Wurther’s hard candy to last a few weeks now.

The Chantix does cause me some nausea if I don’t eat something with it. Other than that I  haven’t noticed any physical effects. My wife has noticed that I’ve become a a little more out spoken recently. I guess I don’t have smoking to hide behind anymore. I’ve read before that smokers tend to keep or hide stuff inside them. So my reaction makes sense. My wife actually see’s this as a good thing since I tend to be on the quiet side.

I’m hoping to finally clean my car out this week. I do notice the “smoke” smell when I first get in the car. I did add an air freshener” but the smell is still underneath. Thanks for coming by. I’ll check in later this week.

Up in smoke : Day 10

I’m now on my 3rd day of not smoking. I made it through the weekend which was an accomplishment. The first day was the toughest I have to admit. It was constantly on my mind and I found it hard to concentrate on much else. I napped a few times just to get my mind off it. Ate tons of butterscotch candies. On Sunday I spent much of the day cleaning up after the snow storm. It was less on my mind than the first day.

Today will be the first day at work not smoking. I usually smoke driving to and from work and at lunch break. This will be another hurdle I’ll have to jump. I expect it’ll be much like the Saturday was but, after that it should be ok. I’m still taking the Chantix twice daily with no side effects. I actually was late taking one last night. I completely forgot about it. Maybe that’s a good sign. Thanks again for those with the words of support encouragement. They are appreciated.

Up in smoke: Day 1

Recently I decided I wanted to try and quit smoking again. I talked to my doctor recently and he recommended I try Chantix to help me stay quit. It hasn’t been an easy decision to make. It’s a major commitment on my part. I know my wife and kids support me in my decision. It has been a part of my life for close to 30 years now. The time just feels right to renew battle against this stuff. My wife suggested that I could blog about my experience. So I plan to blog here every so often to give everyone updates on my progress(or not).

What are my goals?

First of course is to stop smoking for good. I hadn’t made a serious attempt in quite awhile. The Chantix is suppose to be a 12-week program. I smoke the first week while starting to take the pills. It’s suppose to give your body time to adjust to the medication and then to stop smoking on the 8th day. My day will be next Saturday December 19, 2009. My wife even asked why so so soon? I said why not, I had pretty much made my mind up to do this.

Secondly I hope to inform and help those that may be thinking of quitting using this method. Even if they choose to try something different perhaps it will serve as encouragement.

Chantix also has a support program called GetQuit. I signed up online which they’ll give me activities to do, email and phone support. Today’s activity is suppose to keep a log of where and when I smoke for 24 hours. I’ll begin that today when I wake up(I’m writing this is in wee hours of the morning). When I wake I plan to start keeping my log and pill in the morning(with beverage and food as recommended).

I’d love to hear about any other people who have tried this. I’d welcome your comments.

Lessons from Iacocca

I’m a firm believer if you want to learn about being productive and successful you can learn a lot from those that are. Recently I’ve been reading Lee Iacocca’s autobiography. I’m amazed by how much can be learned from him. I haven’t got to fifty pages yet and almost every other page seems to be a how to guide for business and management. Many of the tips and advice comes from people he encounters through his life. He was also shaped by the times he grew up in which was during the depression and going to college during World War II. This seems like a self help book disguised as an autobiography. Here are some examples:

• His father preaches not to worry about what has happened in the past.
• He tells how to he got through college and work by concentrating his efforts Monday through Friday and  leaving his weekends for other pursuits like family and leisure.
• Good attendance. One time he got an “A” in a class that few showed up for on a Saturday morning.
• He also credits his studies in psychology(a favorite subject of mine) while at college as one of the keys to his success.
• A tip he got from Robert McNamara(soon to be Ford President, and then future Secretary of Defense)was if you have an idea was to first put it into writing. He would say that if you haven’t written it out you haven’t really thought it through.

These are just a few of the little tidbits you may pick up from the book. The book also has it’s human (and humor) side also. If your looking for a self help book but, your tired of the ordinary books this could be a nice sidetrack from them. At the same time you’ll be learned from someone who has lived through success and failures.

【Dale Carnegie】 How to analyze and solve worry problems

I've just finished reading this book and I thought it was great. Here's a short video I found that summed up some good points about it. I'll be writing more about this in the future.

Book: How to win friends and influence people : Part 14

The Secret of Socrates

In this next chapter of Dale Carnegie’s famous book How to win friends and influence people we look at the power of “Yes”. When we start a conversation with someone we should start off by emphasizing what we agree on. It’s important to start by getting the first couple of yes’s out of the way. This set’s a positive and friendly tone. Overcoming a “no” answer is more difficult to do. The other person has already made a decision as a no answer implies. You have to overcome a person’s decision which is hard to do. If you get a yes your agreeing with them on an issue. Imagine it as a streak. When you get a string of “yes” responses they can build upon each other.

Dale Carnegie Principle:Get the other person to saying “yes,yes” immediately.

Next chapter: The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints

Book: How to win friends and influence people – Part 13

A Drop of Honey

In this chapter Dale Carnegie emphasizes the importance of starting off in a friendly way with people when meeting them. If you start off like gangbusters you may get there attention but, your unlikely to win them over to your point of view. It may even get you short term results but, more than likely you won’t win over any good will and long term results. Here is an excellent quote from the book(How to Win Friends and Influence People) that summed it up nicely:

If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize  that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.

I’m sure we’ve all have the picture in our minds of a drill instructor barking out orders and perhaps throwing the occasional trash can down the barracks hall(Yes my drill instructor did that). That may serve as an immediate attention getter and may even get immediate results in the short term. The workplace and friendships is not boot camp or a battlefield. Were interested in long term results and building friendships and goodwill. Here we can start using many of Dale’s previous tips like making others feel important and begin by talking about them and trying to understand them. I’ve found that many of Dale’s principles build upon another as they go along. Though each one may stand on it’s own merits.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Begin in a friendly way.

Next chapter: The Secret of Socrates

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How to win friends and influence people: Part 12

If you’re wrong, admit it.

The last post was about not saying if someone is wrong. This one is about admitting that you are wrong. This may seem like it’s self defeating. Many of us don’t like to admit it when we are wrong. When we are wrong we should admit it and get it out in the open. Many relationships have been destroyed because one or both sides can’t admit they are in the wrong. Also if you admit your responsibility it takes that issue away from others to use against you. 

Dale Carnegie uses the historical Gettysburg battle for an example which is a good one. At the height of the battle General Robert E. Lee ordered General George Pickett to make the now famous “Pickett’s Charge”. In all accounts the brave men of the south made the charge but, were turned back with horrible losses. General Lee had realized he made a mistake. He did what so few generals have done, he apologized to the troops. He rode out and said to his defeated troops “All this has been my fault, I and I alone have lost this battle.” That act speaks volumes about General Lee’s strength of character. He could have blamed many things that went wrong prior to that but he did not.

Dale Carnegie Principle: If you are wrong, admit it quickly  and emphatically.

Next Chapter: A Drop of Honey 

 

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How to win friends and influence people : Part 11

A sure way of making enemies-and how to avoid it.

“You are wrong!” If you come right out say someone is wrong that is a sure fire way to make an enemy. That is the theme of the next chapter of Dale Carnegie’s famous book “How to win friends and influence people”.

It can be communicated either verbally or by visual cues. To blatantly come right out and say someone is wrong about something immediately puts them on the defensive. Even if you are 100% correct and have overwhelming evidence you have already insulted there intelligence. You may have won the battle but, you haven’t won over there hearts or minds. If anything they further entrench into there position.

To admit you may be wrong, you disarm the other person and they will be more likely admit that they may be wrong also. When you accuse someone of being wrong you may also bring on an argument (covered in previous post) which we want to avoid also. Even when we may admit to ourselves we are wrong, we don’t like it when someone rams the fact home.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

Next Chapter: If you’re wrong, admit it.

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How to Win Friends & Influence People : Part 10

This part of my continuing series on Dale Carnegie’s famous book “How to win friends and influence people”. We are now entering the third part of the book(four all together) called How to win people to your way of thinking. The first chapter in this section is called:

You can’t win an argument

If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will. – Benjamin Franklin (Quote used in book)

No doubt that some people actually enjoy arguing. They may achieve some success but, have they really one over the hearts and minds of their adversary. Even if someone were to win a hotly debated subject it’s not likely the loser has changed his mind and is perhaps just weary of the fight.  In the quest to win the heart and mind of another you must listen to the other side and make them feel important. Second you should also give your opponent a way to save face or a way to back down gracefully. If you embarrass or beat down someone in victory you hardly gain any influence on them(the point of the book).

Some guidelines are suggested(from an article quoted in the book):

• Welcome the disagreement.
• Distrust your first instinctive impression.
• Control your temper.
• Listen first.
• Look for areas of agreement.
• Be honest.
• Promise to think over your opponent’s ideas and study them carefully.
• Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest.
• Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

These may be tough to remember in the heat of the moment. I think the idea is to not get into a battle in the first place and back off. Many times agreeing with them first can take the opponents ammunition away and can cool things down where issues can be discussed sanely.

Dale’s Principle: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Next chapter: A sure way of making enemies – and how to avoid it.

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Book: The Road Less Traveled: Part 3.a

The Sins of the Father

For those just joining in this is the next chapter in The Road less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. This chapter is about our parents, us and our children all in one. Peck tells us about how our parents influenced us and how we in turn influence our children. Don’t get fooled by the title because mothers and fathers get equal treatment.

As Dr. Peck tells us that unself-disciplined children often come from parents that are not self-disciplined. He quickly notes that it not the traditional “discipline” such as spanking, slapped or even worse physical and verbal abuse. Our children look up to us when they are young. They are more observant than you might think. Things you say and do, can and will have a lifelong impact. 

When parents do things a certain way, it seems to the young child the way to do them, the way they should be done. – Peck

It’s not just about providing a good role model for your children it’s also about love. “Ultimately Love is everything.” Peck writes. When we love something we spend time with it, care for it and enjoy it. Why should our children be any different.

Good discipline requires time. – Peck

When we don’t give our children our time we learn little about them. When the need for discipline or action is required we have little knowledge to go by. So we will often over-react to the situation at hand or just let them have there own way just because it’s easier to do so. When parents have spent quality time with their children they become more astute to their children’s needs and will respond more thoughtfully.

On the other side “quality of discipline afforded by loving parents is superior to the discipline of unloving parents.”(Peck). As with most things in life a balance must be struck. Children will also perceive the time and amount of quality time given to them. This in turn gives them a feel for how much they are valued by their parents.

Action speaks louder than words as the saying goes. Children also pick up this also. Some unloving parents profess their love, but don’t devote a meaningful amount of time to them. It may work for awhile but, eventually when the words don’t match the action they can catch on.

On a personal note:

At the beginning of this post,and even this series, I was attempting to review the contents of this book. Working in my own thoughts were my own personal experiences in my life. This chapter touches me deeply being a parent myself of two young children. This has made search my own discipline or should I say lack of discipline. Do I always provide the best example to my own children? Admittedly I do not. Does this mean I don’t love them? No it doesn’t and I love them dearly. Could I do better? Yes I could and I will.

I’m going to continue this chapter on my next post as this one is getting too long as it is.

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Living in the past

You glorify the past when the future dries up – “God Part 2” U2

As I’ve entered my fortieth decade I’ve found myself more looking into my past. Facebook has fueled this fire recently with the ability to look up old friends from as far back as 1st grade. Even my musical tastes tend to be those from past like my recent “Beatle” phase. I’ve begun to wonder if I dwell on the past too much. Is it a good thing to analyze past events or should my eye be on the future?

I think there is a good case for looking into your past. Just like in history books, lessons can be learned from the past. If not we can be prone to making the same mistakes over and over again. It’s a part of the learning process to look at how and what we’ve done in the past. It can also serve as a benchmark as to where we’ve been to gauge how far we’ve come in life.

On a personal note it’s been fun reconnecting to people I went to school with in my youth on Facebook. Some I remember vividly with others needing a memory jog. I remember there faces as they were over three decades ago. They range from grade school friends to high school sweethearts. I’ve also managed to gain some new friends along the way.

On the flip side we can become to involved in the past and not take care of the present and future. A balance must be struck to keep an eye on the future. Be open to new things. I’ve seen many people get stuck in the same rut. They are reluctant to try to branch out. It seems like they are in there comfort zone and won’t come out. Keeping an open mind to new things is a must. Don’t be afraid to learn and branch out of your comfort zone. Be willing to challenge yourself and try new things. Remember things of the past but, look to the future.

How to Win Friends and Influence People : Part 9

How to make People Like you Instantly

My seven year old son has one particular friend over frequently to visit and play with him. Whenever his friend wants to ask me something he always addresses me as “Mr. Plumer” in the most polite manner that a seven year old can do. To be honest I’m not always used to being addressed in this manner by anyone. It almost makes me feel a bit older. That’s not the point though. He in someway (perhaps without realizing it) show’s his respect and makes me feel important to him. Needless to say this boy scores a lot of points with me. He has taken the first step in making others feel important, which is the theme of this next chapter.

All of us want to feel important and appreciated. If we are neglected or taken for granted we feel hurt or resentful. When we make others feel important it we make them feel respected and special in someway. This can be a bit tricky sometimes to those not used to positive attention. Recently I was attempting compliment a coworker an a job he was doing. He was immediately suspicious like I was being sarcastic. I’m not sure if I came across the wrong way or I had just taken him by surprise. The point is to do this with sincerity. If you come across as a phony people won’t take you seriously.

Here is how Dale Carnegie puts it:

 The unvarnished truth is that almost all people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

Next Chapter: You can’t win an argument

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Book: The Road Less Traveled: Part 2

Delaying Gratification

We live in an instant gratification society. We get our news as it’s happening. More and more of us now Twittering with instant updates of our lives. Every get rich quick scheme thrives on people wanting instant gratification.

Scott Peck defines “Delaying Gratification” as:

“…a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing pain first and getting it over with.

It brings to mind as a kid when I was eating certain items that I didn’t like at the dinner table. To my Grandmother(God rest her soul), who helped raise us kids, not eating your dinner was not an option. You didn’t leave the table until you were done whether you liked it or not. At some point either she or someone gave me the advice to eat what you didn’t like first and then on to the stuff you did like. Though it seemed to not make sense at the time it does now.

Most of the time by the time we reach adult hood we have learned how to delay gratification to some degree or another. Those that can’t control it well are prone to impulsive acts which can negatively affect themselves and those around them. They may be prone to acts of violence, anger, missing work, change jobs often, loss of friendships, divorce, frequently changing sexual partners and so on. Not everyone is able to always control themselves to “delay gratification”. Those that are able to discipline themselves often have a better time adjusting to life in general.  

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How to Win Friends & Influence People: Part 8

This is part of my continuing series on Dale Carnegie’s classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. This chapter is titled: How to Interest People.

Dale’s secret on getting people interested in you is to talk in terms of what interests them. Find out what a person likes to talk about. Almost everyone has a hot topic or personal item they like to talk about. This can be a hobby, profession or issue that they are passionate about. Be sincere about it and don’t patronize them. This builds on the previous chapter on how to be a good conversationalist. The key is to focus on the other person’s interests and desires. You are more likely to gain a persons trust and attention when you show an interest in them personally.

I think the key is to take the initiative and find out what a person may be interested in. They are more likely to be open to you and your interests.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Next Chapter: How To Make People Like You Instantly

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Book: The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D.

This book is one of those that perhaps you’ve heard about for years but, maybe never got around to reading it. I’ve heard about this book before and now I’ve just got around to reading. Part of the it was I never quite knew what it was about. I can’t tell you exactly what it’s about because I’ve only just begun reading the book. I’ll summarize what I do know about this book and then I’ll do a chapter by chapter review of the book as I’m reading along. Maybe some of you were expecting my next chapter from How to win friends and influence people chapter by Dale Carnegie. My wife has borrowed the book for class assignment so I’ve moved on the next book on my list. I will still be continuing that also.

The Book: The Road Less Traveled was first published in 1978. It was written by Morgan Scott Peck(1936-2005) who was a Psychiatrist and best selling author. The book describes human habits or virtues that help people be fulfilled in their lives. It is broken down into four sections: Discipline, Love, Growth and Religion and, Grace. This is the book that Dr. Peck best known for.

Section 1: Discipline: Problems and Pain

“Life is Difficult” is how Dr. Peck begins his book. He also adds that “Once we know that life is difficult- once we truly understand and accept-then life is no longer difficult.”. I think many languish in how difficult life is? There are bills to pay, jobs to do, families to raise and so on. Everyone has there own set of unique problems that they have to(or don’t) deal with. I know because I do my share of complaining also. I think we think that at some point in our lives that they’ll be no problems and everything will be easy. My own mother still thinks if she hit’s the “big one” in the lottery all her problems will be solved. In reality it may solve some financial problems other problems will arise in there place. Life throws problems at you everyday. Dr. Peck asks “Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?”

Discipline is the key to solving problems. “Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problem’s. Without discipline we can solve nothing.” Dr. Peck explains.

The reason life is difficult is that the process of dealing with and solving problems is difficult. They often force us to deal with uncomfortable emotions. It is because of this emotional pain that they become problems and make life difficult.

It is the dealing with these problems that give’s life it’s meaning.” Problems call forth our courage and wisdom; indeed, they create our wisdom and courage.” Dr. Peck explains. We can learn and grow from dealing with life’s difficulties.

It is the fear of the pain and difficulty that prevents us from growing. We’ll procrastinate, avoid, ignore, forget, or hope they’ll go away. Some will use artificial means of avoidance like alcohol and drugs. Many of us go to great lengths to avoid life’s difficulties.

Dr. Peck urges us to to teach our ourselves and our children that suffering through life’s problems is necessary and is a part of personal growth. This is not an easy pill to swallow. Who wants to go through life suffering?

Dr. Peck lays down the the four basic tools in using discipline which are:

• Delaying of Gratification
• Acceptance of Responsibility
• Dedication to the Truth
• Balancing

So far this book has grabbed my attention. I’ve already got a number of quotes highlighted within the first couple of pages. I certainly look forward to continuing reading this book. I’ll share my thoughts and summaries here as I read the book. I wished I had picked up this book a long time ago.

Next Chapter: Delaying Gratification

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How to Win Friends & Influence People: Part 7

Part 2: Chapter 4: An Easy Way To Become a Good Conversationalist

As I’m reading more of Dale Carnegie’s book How to win friends and Influence People, I’ve discovered Dale’s overall theme to be to put other people before yourself. This chapter is no different. For those that find it hard to be social this is a relatively easy one. You get other people to talk about themselves. When you show interest in others and ask them about them they are usually more eager to open up. Face it no one likes someone who’s favorite subject is themselves.

Being a quiet guy myself I’ve tried this recently and it does work. By listening and encouraging others to talk about themselves or something they care about you’d be surprised how well people open up. Often times they carry the bulk of the conversation. Listen and be attentive. Listen for things to ask about in the future. Try and remember key point about them for it will give you future material to ask about. It’s worked for me.

Dale Carnegie’s Principle: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Next Chapter: How To Interest People

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