Enduring Vietnam by James Edwards Wright

Enduring Vietnam: An American Generation and Its War by James Edward Wright
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I was born in the midst of the American War in Vietnam and it was over by the time I became aware of it. I had uncles that were there, one seriously wounded. The war itself wasn't if at all, discussed very much. In my reading the past year or so I've taken an interest in exploring this tumultuous event in our country's history. I've read many viewpoints from military and political narratives. I've also read personal accounts of the boots on the ground from the patrols to the large scale battles that went on. This one though seemed to blend those together to give an overall picture of the war not only overseas but how it was experienced on the home front without being politically charged one way or the other.

One particularly moving moment was how the government was unprepared to notify families of soldiers who were wounded or killed, especially early in the war. The movie "We Were Soldiers" shows this too where taxi drivers dispatched with telegrams to give to family's telegrams of their loss. As you can imagine that didn't go over well. It was later changed that a member of the military and usually a local clergy member wound do it. Even then it was a harrowing experience not only for family members but those tasked with notifying usually didn't last long doing it as it was an emotionally draining experience. I have an 18-year-old son and couldn't imagine hearing that kind of news myself.

The book came closer to my personal quest in finding something about the Vietnam War to sort of paint a before and after picture about how it affected attitudes and society in general. It seems it started with high ideals with a sense of duty and obligation. What seemed to happen during the course of the conflict was those ideals seemed to drain away when the war, which didn't have clearly defined goals, dragged on and on and on. It wasn't a more traditional war of territorial goals but became a war of attrition and patience in which the opposition had more of.

It is an excellent book about this era and can be a good starting point to go deeper into a given area as it covers a lot of subjects and viewpoints that could be booked on their own. Anyone looking for a deeper understanding of this historic period should put this on their reading list.

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I am part of everything I have read.

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Mark Twain liked Big Books, he did not lie

"I like thin books because it will steady a table, a leather volume because it will stop a razor, and a heavy book because it can be thrown at a cat"
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Thomas Jefferson the Book Lover

"I cannot live without books."

- Thomas Jefferson in a letter to John Adams(June 10, 1815)

 

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

I first heard about The Road by Cormac  McCarthy when it was picked by Oprah Winfrey’s book of the month a few years back. I didn’t see the program where McCarthy was interviewed. What peaked my interest was the plot and characters. A father and son travelling along a road in postapocalyptic America. I think in most cases this genre is usually of the science fiction realm and perhaps not taken serious by the mainstream media. The fact that it was part of “Oprah’s book” club said this wasn’t your ordinary post disaster book. Even after reading this book over a month ago it still stays with me in my thoughts.

 

The Story

The story is about a father and son traveling along a road in postapaocalyptic landscape. What has  happened isn’t exactly explained and kept vague. Even the names of the father and son are never spoken or made known. We catch glimpses of the mans life before the unknown disaster happens from his dreams. The boy we learn was born on the eve of the disaster that wiped out civilization as we know it. The mother/wife commits suicide for reasons I’m not quite sure of or at least I didn’t quite understand. We see her character in the mans dreams which I helps give the man some depth of character. That he wasn’t always what he is today and he knew the world before it had become bleak and burned out.

In the beginning their hope lies in travelling south along the road to reach the coast. There they hope that they would find some relief from the colder winter that is soon approaching. They have to scavenged for food, fuel and shelter along a burnt out landscape. They also have to avoid bands of cannibalistic gangs hunting for more victims. They have one gun with two bullets for protection or suicide if capture seemed imminent.

The key focal point of course the father and son relationship. To each other they mean the world to one another. The father does what he has to do to keep him and the boy alive. He himself is ill but he keeps going on for the sake of the boy. They talk about “having the fire inside” them and remind themselves that they are the good guys. The boy is what keeps the father going despite his ill health. The boy in many ways keeps the man in check of his sanity and to stay on the side of good.

The Book

The book itself is intense although reading this can be very easy. I read this through in about a day which is very unusual for me. I’ve read some critics say it starts off too slow. I do agree with that to some degree but found that after the thirty to thirty five page marks it really grabbed a hold of me and didn’t let go until the end. McCarthy's style of writing almost matches the landscape it describes with it’s bare bone punctuation and lack of traditional chapters. The story moves along in what can be described as a series of snapshots or moments in the journey.

The Movie

Of course a book of this acclaim and stature was made into a movie in 2009. One part of me was curious how this would translate to film and the other was nervous to actually see it translated to film. Would it it serve the book justice? How would it be seen visually? How the horrors of cannibalism be handled? Would the story be twisted like many other novels turned to film? Well I eventually saw the film and I must say it’s one of the better translations from book to film I’ve ever seen. The film stays with the book almost verbatim. I noticed more was left out from book than was added into the film that wasn’t in the book. Some scenes from the book that were left out of the film were not essential to the story. Though I believe the ending of the movie ties more of the story together than the book does. I don’t to spoil it much so I’ll leave it at that.

Myself

As fan of post-apocalyptic fiction  I was hooked to this story. One story that comes to mind is the Stephen King novel The Stand which also describes a apocalyptic event and the aftermath.  I also remember the film “Omega Man” starring Charlton Heston in a zombie filled wasteland of Los Angeles. I’ve read others that I can’t recall the names of that describe a world after everyone is gone. I thinks it’s a curiosity I have with a world with very few people left in it. What would society or the world be like. What kind of footprint would we leave on this Earth.

Being a father of two sons this book has hit me on a personal level. In a way I see it as an symbolic of father and son relationships on a deeper level. A father trying to prepare his sons for the harsh world in which his days are numbered. The boy represents hope for the future after the father eventually passes along. I know it’s made me look at my sons in a different light. It has made me think of my own mortality and what will I pass along to my boys. Will it be enough for them to survive in this harsh world we live in?

Overall

This book(and movie) has the the ability to stay with you for a long time. It has the ability to horrify you, depress you but still in the end leave you with a glimmer of real hope. I’ve read the book over a month ago and the movie about two weeks ago yet it still stays with me almost daily. This is certainly a story that you’ll be thinking about long after you read it. If your a Dad this is a must read for you. You’ll look at your kids in a different light, especially if you have boys. I don’t mean it to sound that it’s exclusively for guys. It is wonderfully written and well paced. I think it’s one of those books that will be used as an example of a masterpiece novel that is a classic many years from now. Perhaps in the same vein as Catcher in Rye, Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice an Men  and so on. If you’ve been on the fence about reading the book (or seeing the movie) take the plunge you won’t be disappointed. My only regret is that I hadn’t read it sooner. I still feel as if I haven’t absorbed everything this book has to offer.

Lessons from Iacocca

I’m a firm believer if you want to learn about being productive and successful you can learn a lot from those that are. Recently I’ve been reading Lee Iacocca’s autobiography. I’m amazed by how much can be learned from him. I haven’t got to fifty pages yet and almost every other page seems to be a how to guide for business and management. Many of the tips and advice comes from people he encounters through his life. He was also shaped by the times he grew up in which was during the depression and going to college during World War II. This seems like a self help book disguised as an autobiography. Here are some examples:

• His father preaches not to worry about what has happened in the past.
• He tells how to he got through college and work by concentrating his efforts Monday through Friday and  leaving his weekends for other pursuits like family and leisure.
• Good attendance. One time he got an “A” in a class that few showed up for on a Saturday morning.
• He also credits his studies in psychology(a favorite subject of mine) while at college as one of the keys to his success.
• A tip he got from Robert McNamara(soon to be Ford President, and then future Secretary of Defense)was if you have an idea was to first put it into writing. He would say that if you haven’t written it out you haven’t really thought it through.

These are just a few of the little tidbits you may pick up from the book. The book also has it’s human (and humor) side also. If your looking for a self help book but, your tired of the ordinary books this could be a nice sidetrack from them. At the same time you’ll be learned from someone who has lived through success and failures.

Don’t sweat the small stuff….

Yesterday after soccer and Friendly’s for lunch we ended up at a Goodwill store because my oldest son wanted some new books to read. So we stopped in to check it out. I’m not ashamed to say we shop there at times. You can find some cool stuff for cheap. I immediately hit the electronics section at first. If your in desperate need of a printer there only $5 you just have to add ink. Not to mention I almost got a tape deck for my garage stereo for another $5, maybe next week.

The most popular section was the book section. For $.99 or $1.99 you can pick up some decent books. Of course my son picked out a handful and of  course I browsed too. I did find some cool books. My wife had to drag me out of there before I spent the whole day there. Here are the ones I picked up:

• Don’t Sweat the small stuff… and it’s all small stuff – By Richard Carlson, Ph.D.
• Iacocca, An Autobiography by Lee Iacocca/William Novak
• Understanding Psychology by Robert S. Feldman

I believe I read “Don’t sweat the small stuff” many years ago when it first came out. Lee Iaccoca is an interesting figure from our times. The psychology book is actually a textbook. I find psychology an interesting subject so I thought it would be great reading and for reference. I’ll write more about these later. I’ve got to go for now .

【Dale Carnegie】 How to analyze and solve worry problems

I've just finished reading this book and I thought it was great. Here's a short video I found that summed up some good points about it. I'll be writing more about this in the future.

Book: How to win friends and influence people : Part 14

The Secret of Socrates

In this next chapter of Dale Carnegie’s famous book How to win friends and influence people we look at the power of “Yes”. When we start a conversation with someone we should start off by emphasizing what we agree on. It’s important to start by getting the first couple of yes’s out of the way. This set’s a positive and friendly tone. Overcoming a “no” answer is more difficult to do. The other person has already made a decision as a no answer implies. You have to overcome a person’s decision which is hard to do. If you get a yes your agreeing with them on an issue. Imagine it as a streak. When you get a string of “yes” responses they can build upon each other.

Dale Carnegie Principle:Get the other person to saying “yes,yes” immediately.

Next chapter: The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints

Book: How to win friends and influence people – Part 13

A Drop of Honey

In this chapter Dale Carnegie emphasizes the importance of starting off in a friendly way with people when meeting them. If you start off like gangbusters you may get there attention but, your unlikely to win them over to your point of view. It may even get you short term results but, more than likely you won’t win over any good will and long term results. Here is an excellent quote from the book(How to Win Friends and Influence People) that summed it up nicely:

If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize  that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.

I’m sure we’ve all have the picture in our minds of a drill instructor barking out orders and perhaps throwing the occasional trash can down the barracks hall(Yes my drill instructor did that). That may serve as an immediate attention getter and may even get immediate results in the short term. The workplace and friendships is not boot camp or a battlefield. Were interested in long term results and building friendships and goodwill. Here we can start using many of Dale’s previous tips like making others feel important and begin by talking about them and trying to understand them. I’ve found that many of Dale’s principles build upon another as they go along. Though each one may stand on it’s own merits.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Begin in a friendly way.

Next chapter: The Secret of Socrates

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How to win friends and influence people: Part 12

If you’re wrong, admit it.

The last post was about not saying if someone is wrong. This one is about admitting that you are wrong. This may seem like it’s self defeating. Many of us don’t like to admit it when we are wrong. When we are wrong we should admit it and get it out in the open. Many relationships have been destroyed because one or both sides can’t admit they are in the wrong. Also if you admit your responsibility it takes that issue away from others to use against you. 

Dale Carnegie uses the historical Gettysburg battle for an example which is a good one. At the height of the battle General Robert E. Lee ordered General George Pickett to make the now famous “Pickett’s Charge”. In all accounts the brave men of the south made the charge but, were turned back with horrible losses. General Lee had realized he made a mistake. He did what so few generals have done, he apologized to the troops. He rode out and said to his defeated troops “All this has been my fault, I and I alone have lost this battle.” That act speaks volumes about General Lee’s strength of character. He could have blamed many things that went wrong prior to that but he did not.

Dale Carnegie Principle: If you are wrong, admit it quickly  and emphatically.

Next Chapter: A Drop of Honey 

 

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How to win friends and influence people : Part 11

A sure way of making enemies-and how to avoid it.

“You are wrong!” If you come right out say someone is wrong that is a sure fire way to make an enemy. That is the theme of the next chapter of Dale Carnegie’s famous book “How to win friends and influence people”.

It can be communicated either verbally or by visual cues. To blatantly come right out and say someone is wrong about something immediately puts them on the defensive. Even if you are 100% correct and have overwhelming evidence you have already insulted there intelligence. You may have won the battle but, you haven’t won over there hearts or minds. If anything they further entrench into there position.

To admit you may be wrong, you disarm the other person and they will be more likely admit that they may be wrong also. When you accuse someone of being wrong you may also bring on an argument (covered in previous post) which we want to avoid also. Even when we may admit to ourselves we are wrong, we don’t like it when someone rams the fact home.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

Next Chapter: If you’re wrong, admit it.

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How to Win Friends & Influence People : Part 10

This part of my continuing series on Dale Carnegie’s famous book “How to win friends and influence people”. We are now entering the third part of the book(four all together) called How to win people to your way of thinking. The first chapter in this section is called:

You can’t win an argument

If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will. – Benjamin Franklin (Quote used in book)

No doubt that some people actually enjoy arguing. They may achieve some success but, have they really one over the hearts and minds of their adversary. Even if someone were to win a hotly debated subject it’s not likely the loser has changed his mind and is perhaps just weary of the fight.  In the quest to win the heart and mind of another you must listen to the other side and make them feel important. Second you should also give your opponent a way to save face or a way to back down gracefully. If you embarrass or beat down someone in victory you hardly gain any influence on them(the point of the book).

Some guidelines are suggested(from an article quoted in the book):

• Welcome the disagreement.
• Distrust your first instinctive impression.
• Control your temper.
• Listen first.
• Look for areas of agreement.
• Be honest.
• Promise to think over your opponent’s ideas and study them carefully.
• Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest.
• Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

These may be tough to remember in the heat of the moment. I think the idea is to not get into a battle in the first place and back off. Many times agreeing with them first can take the opponents ammunition away and can cool things down where issues can be discussed sanely.

Dale’s Principle: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Next chapter: A sure way of making enemies – and how to avoid it.

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Book: The Road Less Traveled: Part 3.a

The Sins of the Father

For those just joining in this is the next chapter in The Road less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. This chapter is about our parents, us and our children all in one. Peck tells us about how our parents influenced us and how we in turn influence our children. Don’t get fooled by the title because mothers and fathers get equal treatment.

As Dr. Peck tells us that unself-disciplined children often come from parents that are not self-disciplined. He quickly notes that it not the traditional “discipline” such as spanking, slapped or even worse physical and verbal abuse. Our children look up to us when they are young. They are more observant than you might think. Things you say and do, can and will have a lifelong impact. 

When parents do things a certain way, it seems to the young child the way to do them, the way they should be done. – Peck

It’s not just about providing a good role model for your children it’s also about love. “Ultimately Love is everything.” Peck writes. When we love something we spend time with it, care for it and enjoy it. Why should our children be any different.

Good discipline requires time. – Peck

When we don’t give our children our time we learn little about them. When the need for discipline or action is required we have little knowledge to go by. So we will often over-react to the situation at hand or just let them have there own way just because it’s easier to do so. When parents have spent quality time with their children they become more astute to their children’s needs and will respond more thoughtfully.

On the other side “quality of discipline afforded by loving parents is superior to the discipline of unloving parents.”(Peck). As with most things in life a balance must be struck. Children will also perceive the time and amount of quality time given to them. This in turn gives them a feel for how much they are valued by their parents.

Action speaks louder than words as the saying goes. Children also pick up this also. Some unloving parents profess their love, but don’t devote a meaningful amount of time to them. It may work for awhile but, eventually when the words don’t match the action they can catch on.

On a personal note:

At the beginning of this post,and even this series, I was attempting to review the contents of this book. Working in my own thoughts were my own personal experiences in my life. This chapter touches me deeply being a parent myself of two young children. This has made search my own discipline or should I say lack of discipline. Do I always provide the best example to my own children? Admittedly I do not. Does this mean I don’t love them? No it doesn’t and I love them dearly. Could I do better? Yes I could and I will.

I’m going to continue this chapter on my next post as this one is getting too long as it is.

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How to Win Friends and Influence People : Part 9

How to make People Like you Instantly

My seven year old son has one particular friend over frequently to visit and play with him. Whenever his friend wants to ask me something he always addresses me as “Mr. Plumer” in the most polite manner that a seven year old can do. To be honest I’m not always used to being addressed in this manner by anyone. It almost makes me feel a bit older. That’s not the point though. He in someway (perhaps without realizing it) show’s his respect and makes me feel important to him. Needless to say this boy scores a lot of points with me. He has taken the first step in making others feel important, which is the theme of this next chapter.

All of us want to feel important and appreciated. If we are neglected or taken for granted we feel hurt or resentful. When we make others feel important it we make them feel respected and special in someway. This can be a bit tricky sometimes to those not used to positive attention. Recently I was attempting compliment a coworker an a job he was doing. He was immediately suspicious like I was being sarcastic. I’m not sure if I came across the wrong way or I had just taken him by surprise. The point is to do this with sincerity. If you come across as a phony people won’t take you seriously.

Here is how Dale Carnegie puts it:

 The unvarnished truth is that almost all people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

Next Chapter: You can’t win an argument

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Book: The Road Less Traveled: Part 2

Delaying Gratification

We live in an instant gratification society. We get our news as it’s happening. More and more of us now Twittering with instant updates of our lives. Every get rich quick scheme thrives on people wanting instant gratification.

Scott Peck defines “Delaying Gratification” as:

“…a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing pain first and getting it over with.

It brings to mind as a kid when I was eating certain items that I didn’t like at the dinner table. To my Grandmother(God rest her soul), who helped raise us kids, not eating your dinner was not an option. You didn’t leave the table until you were done whether you liked it or not. At some point either she or someone gave me the advice to eat what you didn’t like first and then on to the stuff you did like. Though it seemed to not make sense at the time it does now.

Most of the time by the time we reach adult hood we have learned how to delay gratification to some degree or another. Those that can’t control it well are prone to impulsive acts which can negatively affect themselves and those around them. They may be prone to acts of violence, anger, missing work, change jobs often, loss of friendships, divorce, frequently changing sexual partners and so on. Not everyone is able to always control themselves to “delay gratification”. Those that are able to discipline themselves often have a better time adjusting to life in general.  

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Book: The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D.

This book is one of those that perhaps you’ve heard about for years but, maybe never got around to reading it. I’ve heard about this book before and now I’ve just got around to reading. Part of the it was I never quite knew what it was about. I can’t tell you exactly what it’s about because I’ve only just begun reading the book. I’ll summarize what I do know about this book and then I’ll do a chapter by chapter review of the book as I’m reading along. Maybe some of you were expecting my next chapter from How to win friends and influence people chapter by Dale Carnegie. My wife has borrowed the book for class assignment so I’ve moved on the next book on my list. I will still be continuing that also.

The Book: The Road Less Traveled was first published in 1978. It was written by Morgan Scott Peck(1936-2005) who was a Psychiatrist and best selling author. The book describes human habits or virtues that help people be fulfilled in their lives. It is broken down into four sections: Discipline, Love, Growth and Religion and, Grace. This is the book that Dr. Peck best known for.

Section 1: Discipline: Problems and Pain

“Life is Difficult” is how Dr. Peck begins his book. He also adds that “Once we know that life is difficult- once we truly understand and accept-then life is no longer difficult.”. I think many languish in how difficult life is? There are bills to pay, jobs to do, families to raise and so on. Everyone has there own set of unique problems that they have to(or don’t) deal with. I know because I do my share of complaining also. I think we think that at some point in our lives that they’ll be no problems and everything will be easy. My own mother still thinks if she hit’s the “big one” in the lottery all her problems will be solved. In reality it may solve some financial problems other problems will arise in there place. Life throws problems at you everyday. Dr. Peck asks “Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?”

Discipline is the key to solving problems. “Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problem’s. Without discipline we can solve nothing.” Dr. Peck explains.

The reason life is difficult is that the process of dealing with and solving problems is difficult. They often force us to deal with uncomfortable emotions. It is because of this emotional pain that they become problems and make life difficult.

It is the dealing with these problems that give’s life it’s meaning.” Problems call forth our courage and wisdom; indeed, they create our wisdom and courage.” Dr. Peck explains. We can learn and grow from dealing with life’s difficulties.

It is the fear of the pain and difficulty that prevents us from growing. We’ll procrastinate, avoid, ignore, forget, or hope they’ll go away. Some will use artificial means of avoidance like alcohol and drugs. Many of us go to great lengths to avoid life’s difficulties.

Dr. Peck urges us to to teach our ourselves and our children that suffering through life’s problems is necessary and is a part of personal growth. This is not an easy pill to swallow. Who wants to go through life suffering?

Dr. Peck lays down the the four basic tools in using discipline which are:

• Delaying of Gratification
• Acceptance of Responsibility
• Dedication to the Truth
• Balancing

So far this book has grabbed my attention. I’ve already got a number of quotes highlighted within the first couple of pages. I certainly look forward to continuing reading this book. I’ll share my thoughts and summaries here as I read the book. I wished I had picked up this book a long time ago.

Next Chapter: Delaying Gratification

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