Living in the past

You glorify the past when the future dries up – “God Part 2” U2

As I’ve entered my fortieth decade I’ve found myself more looking into my past. Facebook has fueled this fire recently with the ability to look up old friends from as far back as 1st grade. Even my musical tastes tend to be those from past like my recent “Beatle” phase. I’ve begun to wonder if I dwell on the past too much. Is it a good thing to analyze past events or should my eye be on the future?

I think there is a good case for looking into your past. Just like in history books, lessons can be learned from the past. If not we can be prone to making the same mistakes over and over again. It’s a part of the learning process to look at how and what we’ve done in the past. It can also serve as a benchmark as to where we’ve been to gauge how far we’ve come in life.

On a personal note it’s been fun reconnecting to people I went to school with in my youth on Facebook. Some I remember vividly with others needing a memory jog. I remember there faces as they were over three decades ago. They range from grade school friends to high school sweethearts. I’ve also managed to gain some new friends along the way.

On the flip side we can become to involved in the past and not take care of the present and future. A balance must be struck to keep an eye on the future. Be open to new things. I’ve seen many people get stuck in the same rut. They are reluctant to try to branch out. It seems like they are in there comfort zone and won’t come out. Keeping an open mind to new things is a must. Don’t be afraid to learn and branch out of your comfort zone. Be willing to challenge yourself and try new things. Remember things of the past but, look to the future.

How to Win Friends and Influence People : Part 9

How to make People Like you Instantly

My seven year old son has one particular friend over frequently to visit and play with him. Whenever his friend wants to ask me something he always addresses me as “Mr. Plumer” in the most polite manner that a seven year old can do. To be honest I’m not always used to being addressed in this manner by anyone. It almost makes me feel a bit older. That’s not the point though. He in someway (perhaps without realizing it) show’s his respect and makes me feel important to him. Needless to say this boy scores a lot of points with me. He has taken the first step in making others feel important, which is the theme of this next chapter.

All of us want to feel important and appreciated. If we are neglected or taken for granted we feel hurt or resentful. When we make others feel important it we make them feel respected and special in someway. This can be a bit tricky sometimes to those not used to positive attention. Recently I was attempting compliment a coworker an a job he was doing. He was immediately suspicious like I was being sarcastic. I’m not sure if I came across the wrong way or I had just taken him by surprise. The point is to do this with sincerity. If you come across as a phony people won’t take you seriously.

Here is how Dale Carnegie puts it:

 The unvarnished truth is that almost all people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

Next Chapter: You can’t win an argument

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Book: The Road Less Traveled: Part 2

Delaying Gratification

We live in an instant gratification society. We get our news as it’s happening. More and more of us now Twittering with instant updates of our lives. Every get rich quick scheme thrives on people wanting instant gratification.

Scott Peck defines “Delaying Gratification” as:

“…a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing pain first and getting it over with.

It brings to mind as a kid when I was eating certain items that I didn’t like at the dinner table. To my Grandmother(God rest her soul), who helped raise us kids, not eating your dinner was not an option. You didn’t leave the table until you were done whether you liked it or not. At some point either she or someone gave me the advice to eat what you didn’t like first and then on to the stuff you did like. Though it seemed to not make sense at the time it does now.

Most of the time by the time we reach adult hood we have learned how to delay gratification to some degree or another. Those that can’t control it well are prone to impulsive acts which can negatively affect themselves and those around them. They may be prone to acts of violence, anger, missing work, change jobs often, loss of friendships, divorce, frequently changing sexual partners and so on. Not everyone is able to always control themselves to “delay gratification”. Those that are able to discipline themselves often have a better time adjusting to life in general.  

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Music: Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band - Remastered

What can possibly be written about this album that already hasn’t been said. It is The Beatles masterpiece. They pulled out all the stops on this one. To be honest I haven’t listened to this album in many years. My one copy on a cassette(yes that dates me) was well worn and was lost quite awhile ago and never replaced. So this is a revisiting of an album I’m somewhat familiar with.  I must admit I got a bit caught up in the recent Beatlemania with the Rock Band Beatles game and re-release of The Beatles albums on  September 9, 2009(9-9-09) and I ordered my CD from Amazon.

After listening to this in it’s entirety I’m simply blown away. I had forgotten how good, I mean great this album is. From the opening orchestra sounds to the fade out at the end of “A day in the life” you are taken away to a different world than the one your in. To enjoy this properly I believe a set of headphones and a block of time to listen to the whole album from start to finish.

One thing that strikes me is how much I forgot that The Beatles were at heart a rock and roll band.When I went through my adolescent and young adult years I put them on the backburner in favor of more modern rock music of the time. Again I find my self re-discovering them. The beauty of The Beatles is that they went beyond the traditional arrangement of guitar,vocals,bass, drums and brought in many different instruments and sounds.

Well back to the CD itself. If your like me and haven’t listen to this album in awhile it’s worth it pick this one up and give it a listen. If your new to The Beatles this is a good start. If your a hardcore fan it’s still worth it I believe with booklet inside with notes about the album and an additional 5 minute video included on the CD(computer needed to view). This is still rock album that all others must measure up to.

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How to Win Friends & Influence People: Part 8

This is part of my continuing series on Dale Carnegie’s classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. This chapter is titled: How to Interest People.

Dale’s secret on getting people interested in you is to talk in terms of what interests them. Find out what a person likes to talk about. Almost everyone has a hot topic or personal item they like to talk about. This can be a hobby, profession or issue that they are passionate about. Be sincere about it and don’t patronize them. This builds on the previous chapter on how to be a good conversationalist. The key is to focus on the other person’s interests and desires. You are more likely to gain a persons trust and attention when you show an interest in them personally.

I think the key is to take the initiative and find out what a person may be interested in. They are more likely to be open to you and your interests.

Dale Carnegie Principle: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Next Chapter: How To Make People Like You Instantly

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